Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Chinese Dad's Birthday

OK, this has been a ridiculous week.  Sorry for being delinquent with the posts, but a lot has happened.  Here, let me give you the scoop:

This weekend: I literally hoofed it ALL OVER the souther part of Beijing.  Get out your maps kids and plot my path!  I started on JinSong Lu, which is southwest of the city, headed south to the retardedly fun Panjayuan Dirt Market for some antique shopping (yes, I ended up buying nothing.  I'm just not the type that’s impressed by crap), walked west all the way to TianTan (that’s the Temple of Heaven) which was BEAUTIFUL despite that fact that the Temple of Praying for the Good Harvest (or whatever its called) is closed until May.  Fortunately they filled the surrounding park with purple flowers that kept me occupied for hours!  I was so happy.  Then I swung by the DIRTIEST RESTAURANT IN BEIJING for some heavenly bao-ze and Shanxi-style razor cut noodles.  Then I continued my schlepp up Qianmen Dajie through the grittier hutong districts all the way to good ole TianAnMen Square (you may remember it from the massacre back in the 90s?  Or from the giant picture of Mao?) at which point I swung a left and walked west along Jianguomen for a long time until my friend Cameron called and I met him and Sam (Cameron is like 6'2 and Sam is 6'5) on Tea Street for some tea tasting and bargaining followed by SiChuan yummies for dinner.  Can I tell you the blisters on my feet were insane?  After a day like that I had to spend the following day (Easter Sunday) scrounging for new comfy shoes in XiDan, which rocks.

OK, enough name dropping.  Here's the real dirt:

1) Yesterday (Monday) I got painfully sick in the morning with some sort of fullness/bowel issue that haunted me all day.  I literally came home at noon and slept all day and night until today, except for the part wherein my host parents helped me to translate some medicine and I learned the words in Chinese for "digestion", "abdominal tightness", "feel nauseous" and subsequently consumed some of my host mom's PRESCRIPTION MEDICINE.  Later I dug through the good ole Citimonster first aid kit and found some pepto-bismo, which also seems to help.  Today was ok until….

2) Tonight I went to my host dad's birthday party!  This was CRAZY.   Picture it: 12 of your friend's chinese parents sitting around a giant table with a hot-pot in the middle.  Everyone has brought to the table a heaping plate filled with different cookables to be dropped into the pot.  These include (but are not limited to): thinly sliced lamb…mmmm, fish skin, tripe, chicken's head, squid, fish balls, chicken's feet…I think I have said enough.  Anyway, the food was great, but I was shocked by how much these folks ate!  Plus they kept bringing more and more.  I mean, if you know me you know I like to eat, and I like to eat in BULK, but this was even scaring me!  Also one of the dudes (I swear this is true) only had ONE TOOTH in his mouth, and it was one of his front teeth so it really stuck out.  He was super nice though!  Anyway, no judgement here, I'm just telling you it was a little hard to keep from starting.

FYI, as I write this a dust storm is brewing outside and I will probably find the ground tomorrow littered with dusk as though it snowed dirt overnight.

Back to the story: so if you have lived with a Chinese family you know that most typical family conversations go something like this (bear in mind I am translating, often word for work):

Parent: You eat or not eat this?
Dan:            I eat.
Parent:         You eat or not eat this?
Dan:            I ate too much.  I cannot eat anymore.
Parent:         Eat eat eat!  You eat!  Eat!  You Eat eat!
Dan:            I can't.  I am so full I will die.
Parent:         OK.  You eat a little?
Dan:            OK.
…and repeat!  This dialogue goes on until there is nothing left on the table to be eating.  Every meal ends the same way:

Dan:            I am so full  Thank you.  Everything was so good.  I am so full I will die.
Parent:         If you eat until you are so full you will die, we are very glad.  You don't eat very much.  If its good food you should eat it all!

So I wondered what would happen tonight.  Would I be the victim of 5 sets of couples force-feeding me hot-potted savories?  Interestingly, NO!  They turned on eachother!  The conversations went something like this:

Person1:        You eat or not eat this?
Person 2:       I eat.  You drink!  Drink drink drink!
Person 3:       I don't drink this.  You give some to her.
Person 4:       I don't drink.
Person 2:       Drink drink drink!
Person 1:       Eat eat eat!  Eat fish skin!  Its good for your skin.
Everyone:       Eat eat eat!

I also was told repeatedly that I was very pretty, which I guess is a compliment? 

The pinnacle of the evening was when all of the women at the table decided to steal their thousand year-old eggs by putting them in their purses, realized that I saw them in the act, and burst into laughter!  Later they also stole bread, cucumbers and regular eggs.  I was loving it.

I have decided that Beijing rocks!  As my friend said, the people here may not be the most beautiful or the most cosmopolitan, but dammit, they will drink, eat and burp with you all day long!

BEIJING ROCKS!
(Wish me luck with the stomach thing…seriously, it hurts)