RANT: Bankers aren’t dumb, they just sound dumb
I thought that New York Banker-talk was the most annoying use of the English language in the world. But I was WRONG! It is actually the 2nd most annoying. The grand prize winner is actually banker-talk in Asia! I’m not going to point fingers at any one country (ahem…India….ahem…) but certain expressions can be oh so irritating.New York Banker-Talk (“NYBT”) Basics:
NYBT tends to be focused on oral communication, meaning that it tends to be a spoken language more than a written language. Some common expressions include:
“Net-net” – This is a quintessential banker expression, which means “after you take into account all the pros and cons of the situation”. Ex. “So the timing is bad but it would be incredibly profitable if we’re successful. Net-net I think we will make some money and should go ahead.”
“At the end of the day” – This expression means the same thing as “net-net” but is more funny and ironic because the typical banker’s workday doesn’t end with decisive action, it usually ends when the last document has been proofread and printed or the computer system shuts down. Ex. “So the timing is bad but it would be incredibly profitable if we’re successful. So net-net, at the end of the day we’ll make some money and should go ahead.”
“The Question Is…” – This can be used 1 or two times in one sentence paragraph, possibly one sentence. Ex. “The question is: how bad is the timing and will it be incredibly profitable if we’re successful? At the end of the day, the question is: will we make some money and go ahead?”
“Incentivize” – This is not a real word. But for some reason “motivate”, which IS a real word and is a synonym for “incentivize” is simply not appropriate. This is probably because it lacks the flashy “-ize” ending, which sounds very active. Ex. “Lets give the sales people extra commissions to incentivize them to sell.”
But these are all very “basic” examples of spoken NYBT. Typically they are not put into print. Written NYBT is typically isolated to email, but includes things like:
“Please find attached..” – This is apparently the most respectful and dignified way to tell people you have attached a file to an email.
“Thanks in advance” – This is a controversial expression that always comes at the end of an email after asking someone else to do something for you. The sender (or “Sendor” according to NYBT) typically sees this as the most polite way of asking for something. The recipient (or “receivor”) of the email reads this expression to mean something equivalent to “You will do my bidding stooge, because I have already pre-thanked you and therefore you are bound by my will!” The receivor will then swear under their breath and proceed to get around to answering this email at their latest convenience (if at all). A word of advice: Never end your emails with “Thanks in advance”. Even worse, never end your emails with “Thx in advance”. You are sure to offend any receivor when you don’t even bother to write out the entire works “thanks”
Asian Banker-Talk (“ABT”):
First, I am in no way an expert or “fluent” in ABT. In fact, I can barely understand it, but my impression is that it is almost entirely a written language, much like ancient Latin or Greek. Some examples include:
“Revert” – This word is defined by Webster’s to mean “to return to its original state”. In ABT, it is (incorrectly) used to mean “to provide an answer”. Ex. Please revert to me with the correct fee that was charged.
“Soonest” or “Earliest” – These words are both used at the end of a sentence to mean something equivalent to “As soon as possible”. Ex. Please revert to me with the correct fee that was charged soonest.
“Keen” – This is probably not ABT but is just some remnant of British colonialism that remains floating around Asia. It means “positively dispositioned”. Ex. He is very keen on this IPO. Ex2. I’m not very keen to take his advice.
Fun Real World Examples!
Here are some real examples of ABT that I received in actual emails! They are mostly from India:
“I have prepared the Ad and am attaching the same for your approval/corrections. Request you to kindly go through the same and revert so we can then proceed accordingly with the release.”
“Appreciate if you could please insert your slides and send us the revised deck at the earliest”
“Ensure to mark the emails to the full group”
“The agreement shall be signed at XXX on 22nd April – Friday at 12.00 noon. Request all ensure authorized signatories are present for the same. ”
Now you can go practice on your own! Welcome to the glamorous world of international finance!
