2005 Year in Review!!!!
Hey Kids,I was going to send this really kitchy "New Years Newletter" out to all of you (that I know), but then I got lazy and thought people might find it invasive, so instead I have decided to poste it here. I hope you enjoy:
I decided to send out a quick self-involved update about what is going on in my life, much like the other inane holiday newsletters that you receive every year (from people like my parents). Hopefully you are having a fantastic holiday season, filled with excitement and mirth (that’s right, mirth). Happy New Years!!!
2005 Year in Review – Key Events
· Dan Quits his Job! – Yes, Dan quit his job in February, and was actually able to leave at the end of May after spending three months in
· Dan “Hangs Out” in NYC for the Summer - After a quick weeklong vacation in
· 10-Year High school reunion! - It could have been a disaster, but thanks to his friend the martini, the reunion was a huge success for him and his friends! It was a good opportunity to get in touch with lots of SoCal people who were probably happy not seeing Dan for 10 years.
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Dan’s 2005 City Roundup
Dan visited the following cities in 2005
· U.S.: NYC, Philadelphia, Chicago, Cleveland, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, Boston, Detroit, Salt Lake City, St. Louis
· Non-U.S.:
2006 New Years Resolutions!
2005 was a year of big resolutions, all of which were a huge success! This year he has gotten even more ambitious:
1) Practice Spanish!
2) Get a life
3) Drink fewer martinis
4) Rediscover lost sense of childhood wonder
5) Use the “F” word less and the “C” word more
6) More self-deprecating humor and less potty humor
7) Learn to use digital camera for good, not evil
8) Develop stronger opinions about
9) Eat more fresh fruit
10) Join/found secret society
2006 Forward Calendar
New Years Eve
January
February -
March – April
May
June - “The Gathering” in Dubrovnik, Croatia on June 8th (See Dan for details if interested).
July
August – December If I get into grad school, I will be there by August.
Dan’s 10 Hints for Safe
1) Never mix all three types of alcoholic beverage in the same evening (wine, beer, liquor). Two out of three you silly goose!
2) Revenge is a dish best served cold. Spinach Artichoke dip is a dish best served hot.
3) Avoid alcoholic beverages that include dairy (milk, cream, etc.) or references to sex, rappers, or the word “ghetto”.
4) If you’re in a canoe, and it starts to snow on you, you’re going to catch a cold..
5) If you are going to leave your office holiday Christmas party with your coworker of the opposite sex, make sure you do it discretely to avoid embarrassing conversations the next day!
6) If you meet a woman in a bar who claims to be bisexual, it may not be a good idea to ask her to hit on your female coworker and propose a threesome. Your female coworker may not find it as funny as you do!
7) When you come home drunk, try to keep some of your clothes on before you get into your apartment building. If you find that the keys to your apartment don’t work, double check that you are at the correct apartment BEFORE falling asleep in the hallway.
8) If you are planning on drinking in a group of 12 or more of your loudest friends, avoid Russian mafia dens that apparently prefer a “quiet” atmosphere.
9) When you leave the strip club completely wasted with all your buddies, it IS a great idea to buy the group an entire large pizza “for the road”. Your friends will appreciate how considerate you are!
10) Drunk born-again Christian 23-year old blond girls who like to yell the word “analingus” at the top of their lungs in the middle of a crowded bar while obsessing over their 25 year old virgin boyfriends are probably not worth your time or the time of your buddies. Better to focus your energies on her slutty friend.
